


You Have Me.

by Five_Star_Babe



Category: D&D 5e - Fandom, Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: AVENORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEE, Carrot has smol pp, DM u gay but ily jus sayin, Depressed Avenel, Depression, Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Dungeons & Dragons Campaign, F/M, He doesn't even exist in the time that these events are taking place but jus so y'all know, Original Character(s), Original D&D characters - Freeform, T/W Self Harm, THEY DID THE SMOOCH EARLIER, also, dnd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:15:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22379329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Five_Star_Babe/pseuds/Five_Star_Babe
Summary: Avenel get's surprised to find someone with him during his nightly routine of alone time while him and his party are traveling.
Relationships: Avenel/Elinore
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	You Have Me.

**Author's Note:**

> (That summary sounds weird this isn't smut I swear it's wholesome but also sad shit- Pls love my boi)
> 
> Forgive my ass for makin mistakes or this story being not good am practicing :'^)
> 
> Also thank you Ayato for helping me fix mistakes and making it better ily <3
> 
> Also x2 graci for the inspiration for writing about oUr OTP, SiLv iLy 2 
> 
> (Also made some tiny edit s weeks later sjdk)

Taking a glance around the party after everyone settled in, he could tell they were beginning to look drowsy already. Or at least not paying attention. After a week and a half, his party stopped to rest for yet another night on their travels. Mephilia, being the small and young tiefling, she had started to drift off first, head bobbing ever so slightly as Avenel could tell her eyes were feeling heavy. Lucille(Luci), being the edgy black eyed pale woman she was, had already headed up a tree near the campfire. She had already begun writing..or drawing things in her journal. Elim, the tacky ~~edgy~~ elf, was just staring into the fire while sitting next to Mephilia. His eyes looked just as heavy as her’s though. And Elinore, the long white fluffy haired woman, was sitting on the back of the cart not too far behind Avenel, looking like she was stargazing for a bit now. At least he thought she was stargazing… At the very least something in the sky definitely caught her lovely golden gaze. 

So once again for the 9th night in a row, Avenel took his opportunity to sneak away from the group and into the night. Slipping away from the campsite while he was sure no one was looking. And he began his walk. Expertly weaving his way through the forest, since surviving in many for so long, he had become so accustomed to them. They were one of his only comforts now. Looking around and trying to clear his head, he made his way to the closest river, taking a deep breath in. The whispers in his head even quieting down just for this minute... As Avenel let nature surround his senses. All the trees swaying softly with the gentle breeze, some leaves flowing into the wind... The sound of small crickets chirping here and there while small animals scurried into their homes to sleep for the night. The sky even doing him a kindness as it cleared, allowing the moon’s light to shine down upon him as the stars twinkled and shone besides it. While walking, he couldn’t help but stargaze as he felt so...peaceful.

God...What'd he'd kill for it to always be this tranquil... 

Just him and a forest. Just him and it's calming noises... 

_'Such a nice reassurance to see even this curse couldn't...fully ruin nature for me..'_ He thought as he began to approach the river. Hearing it’s calming flow, he smiled. He always loved to spend his time by rivers. So soothing and calming. The water gently moving down it’s path. It reflecting beautifully anything that enters it’s mirrored surface. 

Sitting down and leaning against the tree closest to it, he got out his journal and began to write;

  
  


_“With each day that passes, I begin to wonder.._

_Will I ever see the sunshine of spring? The bloom of the flower I hold dear to me?_

_Smell the soft scent of lilacs flowing into the breeze that’ll brush against my face?_

_Will I ever get to go back to that grassy field of carefree childish dreams?_

_To feel a loving embrace...and welcome it?_

_Who knows._

_But for now,_

_All I see is light and dark._

_For now,_

_The field is covered by a winter of worry and doubt._

_Childish dreams being swept away into nothing by the harsh winds of reality._

_But even as everything is swept away in front of my very eyes,_

_I digress”_

  
  


He stops there. He can’t think to continue anymore. As he was writing and letting the noise of flowing water help drown his senses in a calming state, he didn’t truly realize before it was too late. Alas, like always, the voices began to speak up. Going from soft whispers like before, to murmuring. Then it became talking.. Then shouting.. All directed at him. The voices then began to just..screaming.. Louder and louder, abruptly pulling and clawing him away from the serenity of the sounds around him. From that calming state he was in just a minute ago, now felt like years.. He hunched over in pain at this sudden burst of voices filling his head. He tried covering his ears and shaking his head, trying to snap out of it. He began to feel the fatigue of what cursed him bearing down on him as the voices grew. Almost collapsing completely where he sat as he struggled to sit up correctly. The voices urging him to give in, sleep, let go. 

“Like hell..W-will I sleep like th- _THIS_..” He struggled to whisper to the voices as his world slowly began to spin.

Every day, every hour, and almost every minute... Ever since he was electrocuted by that damned war-forged almost two weeks ago, the symptoms of this curse had worsened. And he just felt so goddamn _tired_. Without a doubt, he was severely tired mentally more than anything. 

His psyche constantly being overwhelmed and harassed by these damned voices. Screams, whispers of just pure madness, memories enveloping his thoughts. He could barely stay awake and yet he could never truly sleep either. Or else his nightly terrors would pay him their normal visit. The same nightmares every damn time.. It was a constant battle as the days went by on this trip. Almost two weeks have passed as him and his group made their way to the plague infested city. They were almost there...

Could he truly last any longer though..? Like this? He felt himself slipping deeper and deeper into his own mindset with each day... Spacing out more, being unresponsive, words incomprehensible at times as well.. 

He was..losing himself.

_...He was scared…_

His mind began to once again overflow with those.. Images- no... _Memories_ … The voices calling out to him. Laughing at him. Screaming and berating him. Berating him for living how he does. For every choice he makes. For not giving in. Laughing at him because if he didn’t give in now he would soon enough. Not only that- but they began to call him out for what he had done as well. Reminding him of the thing he regrets most in his life. As the memory began to play over and over again in his mind. 

The scream.

The crying and yelling.

The blood splattered on his hands. 

Avenel began to shake, his breath becoming unsteady and ragged as he closed his eyes tight, not being able to focus anymore. His senses going dumb as they were drowning in the chaos of all his guilt, fear, and anger. 

“ _ **You did that.”**_ A voice, somehow speaking louder than the rest in his head said. As if it was someone..or something..whispering it’s words right into his ears.

  
 _‘No..’_ Avenel could feel his arms and hands moving but couldn’t tell what they were doing. He just wanted the voices to **STOP**. 

**_“You hurt her.”_ **

_‘NO..’_

_**“She was only trying to help you and..you hurt her…”**  
  
_

_‘I-I DIDN’t..!’  
  
_

**_“She hated seeing you fight others all the time... She was just worried! And that’s how you thank her for her kindness?”_ **

_  
‘It-IT WAS HER FAU-’  
  
_

_**“THAT’S how you thank someone that actually cared for someone like you?”**  
  
_

_‘Sh-she got in the WAY..!’_

_  
**”Your poor..”**   
  
_

_‘I didn’t MEAN to..!’_

_  
**“Little..”**   
  
_

_‘STOP it..’  
  
_

**_“Baby..”_ **

_  
‘Shut UP-!’  
  
_

**_“Sister~.”_ **

  
  
  


“SHUT THE HELL UP!”  
  
As he shouted, slamming his back against the tree and finally opened his eyes. Fear clearly plastered onto his face as well as shock. Shocked to see he wasn’t alone. 

As his senses came back to him, he could feel her hands on his arms and she was yelling at him. His eyes widening as he looked at her, finally focusing on her face.

“W-what-?” He spoke but then was interrupted by her yell and abruptly being pinned down.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Letting her eyes wander up to the sky as she went deep into thought, Elinore was wondering what she should do… 

Avenel had begun to look worse and worse from almost day one of traveling. After what they talked about with the war-forged and what he saw, Elinore doesn’t blame him... But goodness she didn’t think it would get this bad... He was barely there over half the time. Always staring out into the surrounding forest with a hundred mile stare when we would be on the road in the cart. When he was there..mentally though..he made sure everyone else was doing alright.. Well.. Mainly before it got this bad.. 

He took the time to check up on everyone at least every other day… But the person he checked on most..was her.. 

After hearing what happened to her (most likely when Avenel and Luci found the war-forged), Avenel made sure pretty much every day for the first week to check up and talk to her at least once. The first talk they had was to see how she was feeling. And she wasn’t feeling okay at all, of course. She felt like it was her fault the child’s mother had died. And she deserved to get stabbed by her son. Even though she never made any promise to save them, she told the child she’d do her best. Seeing as how she didn’t make it in time to give the antidote to the mother, and her passing leaving the child alone, she had doubts that she actually did do her best.. 

Avenel did whatever he could to comfort and reassure her though.. Patting her on the back and saying how it wasn’t her fault, she’s a good person that DID do her best, and that she couldn’t please or save every single person we see. He even ended up apologizing to her at some point.. For not being there to protect her from such an attack.. 

That was just the beginning of him showing how much he cared though.. Even if he wasn’t too touchy feel-y or affectionate..or emotional as you’d think he’d be.. Avenel still did things like staying up with Elinore when she couldn’t sleep. The scene of the child screaming as he ran up and stabbed her playing in her head. And of course Avenel tried his best to get her mind off it. Telling Elinore stories from his life, some people he’s met, even a bit about his mother… His real mother. How caring and sweet yet tough and strong she was.. How he admired her.. And how she was the real reason he set out on his journey in the first place. Not only to get away from how pathetic he thought everyone was..but really to find the one person that truly made him feel...happiness… And all the times they talked when she couldn’t sleep.. It always ended up helping her.. He’s done so much and even as he slips from reality more and more… He still tries his best.. 

‘I just wish I knew how to help him with what he was dealing wi-’

As she looked down from the sky, snapping herself out of her thoughts, she damn near failed to notice Avenel was gone from the campfire. Looking around she saw a figure brush past a bush, causing it to shake a bit as it went into the woods. Quickly and silently as she made sure no one else saw, she slipped off the cart and into the forest after it. Stealthily, she followed close behind it out of sight. As the clouds finally went past, letting the moonlight fully shine down, the figure was of course none-other than the eladrin, Avenel. 

‘What was he doi- Oh right..’ She realized… For a bit now Elinore had noticed Avenel’s absence during the night.. When she couldn’t sleep or would wake up randomly on some nights, he wasn’t anywhere to be seen.. She just assumed he went up in a tree to sleep like Luci did..weirdly enough... Until one night she actually caught him coming back from..wherever he went. But she never got an answer out of him when she asked.. 

‘Maybe tonight's the night..!’ She thought as she kept herself hidden while following him. 

It seemed the sky was going to stay cleared of clouds for a bit as the moon shone brightly, it’s glow lighting Avenel’s face as Elinore got closer to keep up.. He was stargazing as he walked. Looking so calm and content as the stars twinkled in his eyes and the breeze let his hair flow gently in it. She has never seen him look so at peace and… ‘Beautiful..’ She thought. She never really looked at him too much before, but now- even tired and weary as he’s been, Avenel looked...beautiful. His presence was calming even.. As Elinore continued to follow him, getting lost in her thoughts, she nearly blew her cover as she almost tripped over a bush. Making it rustle and a small animal or two scurry out of it and past Avenel. But he seemed to pay them no mind as he smiled gently and continued walking. Elinore was wondering where he was going till she heard the flowing water, noticing the river he was approaching. Elinore watched as he made his way towards it, going over and taking a seat to lean against a tree nearby. Getting a bit closer to see what he was doing, she saw Avenel take out his journal and begin writing. She thought if she got close enough behind him she could see what it was without disturbing him. But before she even got the chance, she saw his expression go from content to uneasy. Making her way to him, he had suddenly just stopped writing, his journal slipping from his lap and onto the dirt as he began to hold and shake his head. 

Coming out from her cover to approach him she spoke softly, “Avenel?” As she drew nearer, she could see he was in pain, as he covered his ears and his eyes shut tight.  
  
“A-Avenel? Are you alright?” As she reached towards him she could’ve sworn she heard him whisper something. “Pardon?” She saw him begin to shake, his breathing becoming uneven, rapid, desperate gasps. She quickly knelt down in front of him. To her horror she watched while he shook his head, he started aggressively scratching at his arms as he hunched over. His nails getting under the sleeves, revealing many cuts, deep scratches, and bruises on them.  
  


“O-oh my goodness- Avenel! Are you okay- what’s wrong?!” She said but the only response was a small quiet broken sob. As Avenel hugged himself, he continued clawing at his arms. His shaking become more violent, the man visibly upset. A few drops fell from his face. 

“Avenel!” She spoke loud enough for him to hear her clearly but still it’s like she wasn’t there. 

Elinore then grabbed his shoulders and forced him to sit up, getting a clearer look at his arms. Bloodied scratches littered his pale skin. Upon closer inspection she could tell there had been many more wounds from the week’s following nights

“I- A-AVENEL! STOP! OH MY GOD- AVE SNAP OUT OF IT!” She said as she desperately tried shaking him. She began to pry his hands away from his arms. As she did he suddenly jerked back into the tree. 

“SHUT THE HELL UP!” He suddenly spoke allowed. Then for a second after he spoke quieter, but wasn’t heard by her.

“AVENEL YOU NEED TO SNAP OUT OF IT!” Elinore shouted as she finally tore his hands away and pinned him down on the ground by his wrists, fearing if she didn’t he’d continue. Noticing the shocked look on his face, even as tears went down it, she assumed she finally gotten through to him.

“Avenel! Christ- Can you hear me now?! What the hell is wrong?!!” 

* * *

Avenel looked into her eyes, fresh tears stained his face. Not even trying to fully read the situation, he somehow tried playing things off with a nervous chuckle. 

“U-uhm.. Heh I-I thought that’d I be the one to pin someone first..Heheh… S-so what're you doing here...??” He asked awkwardly while trying to put on a shaky smile. It dropped immediately though as he visibly flinched and froze in place. He looked to see where his wrists were pinned and his arms were exposed and bleeding. Overcome with shame, he attempted to keep his gaze away from her.

Elinore, now realizing Avenel was fully conscious of his surroundings, started;

"Avenel, you know damn well you need to explain yourself! And I'm not leaving or letting go of you till you do..!" She said with a stern but very concerned look. Her eyes locked with his, despite how Avenel tried to avoid it. He just couldn't. As fresh tears began to bloom and roll down his cheeks, he began to shake lightly. 

"...I'm sorry.." His shame, guilt, sadness, exhaustion all becoming apparent, if not in his face then his voice surely showed it. With that, Elinore lightened her grip till she moved her hands to lock with Avenel's. Getting off him then pulling him up so he would be sitting in front of her, Elinore keeping a firm but gentle grip on his hands. She looked him straight in his eyes. Avenel had no choice but to look back, giving Elinore full view of his emotions, as his eyes displayed them. 

"Avenel... Why would you..do _this_ to yourself..? What happened? Is it because of your- your curse..?” Elinore gave him a sympathetic look as she went quiet, letting him know she was there to listen. Avenel sat there in silence for a bit, before sighing as he gathered his thoughts and courage...

“....Elinore... I am.. So.. Goddamn… _Tired of this..._ “ As he brokenly laughed through his words.

“I can’t do this anymore.. Day after day is the same SHIT.. The same fatigue, the same voices. Th-the bloody fucking voices... They’re always in my head..! Sometimes they’re all quiet or whispering but it’s just getting worse and worse..! Ever since that damned robot thing- Th-they get s-so fucking loud all the time! Screaming at me- ba-barely letting me sleep-! Sh-showing me these horrible memories- whether it b-be from me- or whoever originated this- this BULLSHIT..! I-.. This damn curse is going to drive me mad soon..! I-I’m-!…” He trailed off, looking down to let his hair cover his eyes, as fresh tears made their way down his face and dripping onto her hands that held his. His grip on her hands tightening.

  
“...Ave?” Elinore said gently as she lightly cocked her head to the side, to maybe encourage him to look up at her. But he turned away, not wanting her to see him looking like this much further.

“I-I… I’m scared..Eli… Scared of losing myself...” He spoke in a hushed tone, his voice cracking as the words left his mouth.  
  


“..Oh Avenel...” Elinore began but Avenel interrupted her, shaking his head.

“I-I’m sorry- you had to deal with this-with me- I-I can clean myself up...! Please just...just go-” He said as he attempted to pull his hands from her’s while making a move to get up. Elinore’s grip tightened as she tugged him back down.

“No no- Avenel..! I said I wasn’t going to let go and I meant it.. Please, just breathe... You know I’m here for you, alright? Just like you’re here for me.. It’s okay to be scared. Especially with what you’re dealing with daily..? You have all right to be... Just know that you’re not going to lose yourself alright. I’m pretty sure our friends won’t let that happen. I most certainly will not just allow it. You are my friend and you’ve done so much for me already. All the times you talked to me this past week and a half.. They’ve been so nice and helpful.. You’ve been so kind to me..staying up with me when I couldn’t sleep and all that.. Wh-which thank you..for that..by the way.. For everything..! You’ve done so much and comforted me when I needed it the most.. Even if you’re not too affectionate or anything, which is understandable of course- Seeing the state you’re in as well… I-I’m sorry- I just… I want to help you.. I want you to be okay… Even if I can’t help make whatever you have go away.. At the very least I can try to make it easier on you in some ways, right..?” 

Elinore said as she tried to give him a kind, reassuring smile, looking down at their hands intertwined. “Whether you like it or not, you’re going to let me stay here with you…!”

“Okay..“

Elinore looked back up and her eyes met with his again. Avenel’s eyes were soft as he looked at her’s. Still filled with sadness and exhaustion. But now something small but new twinkled in them.. Something called hope.  
  
“Okay Eli.. If you really want to stay..you can… Th-thank you.” Avenel said as he gave her a small shaky smile, more tears running down his face. “Th-thank you so much…”  
  
Elinore finally let go of Avenel’s hands to wrap her arms around him and pulling him close into a loving embrace. Hugging him and rubbing his back soothingly as he shook. He returned the gesture and hugged her tightly, silently crying into her shoulder.  
  


As the night went on they eventually settled themselves sitting against the tree. Elinore helped Avenel cover his injuries. They then sat close together and stargazed for an hour or two. Talking about things to forget their worries and fears. Just the comfort from one another’s presence was enough but they digress. Avenel even ended up showing what he had written in his journal. Her finding out that Avenel was very talented and descriptive with his words. He was always embarrassed by the fact he liked to write so much though. But Elinore reassured him that what he does is amazing and should share it with the world someday. And for the first time in a long time… Avenel felt..happy.

And right before he fell asleep, Avenel he looked down at Elinore. Seeing her fast asleep and leaning against his shoulder, instead of pushing her or moving her at all, he smiled gently. 

'She truly does look lovely in the moonlight.. Doesn't she?'

He closed his eyes, lightly laying his head atop of her's, and falling asleep.


End file.
